Update – October 20, 2011
Hope this finds you all well, healtthy and in good spirits.
This finds me settled in Kathmandu, Nepal as of this moment in my cozy, black-and-red Asian motif living room thinking to myself: I seriously need to hit the keys and blog something. It’s been too long.
That’s because in part, sometimes I can not find my muse and it’s lost somewhere in the universe that is the mind of Coco. In most part, it’s because in five months, I have been to Nepal, Europe, America, South Africa, Brazil, Canada, Hong Kong and Nepal.
Carrying around with me a 12-pound ancient laptop (thanks, Dad, for the loaner) that left a huge dent on my shoulder from the weight in the shoulder bag while I was running around like a headless chicken. Overwhelmed and with very little time on my hands, I found it less and less accessible nor available to blog. I’ve got over 100 vlogs from Nepal earlier (internet here not fast enough to download, trust me) and from South Africa, Brazil and Hong Kong that I have not yet put on Youtube! In time, and hopefully, the net here is faster enough to download. Then you can watch all with your viewing pleasure.
I can say with certainity and gratitude that going to WFD and Deafblind International conferences gave me the extra drive and passion to strive better. The networking, social events, eye-opening workshops, side trips, feeling the spirit of each conference was amazing. I am forever grateful to those who made it happen. I would like to list them in my next blog with separate respect for all they’ve done. I would like to pray with Buddha and be thankful for the opportunities that was presented to me. If it seems that I’m not grateful through dismal blogging, that’s incorrect.
Not only did the conferences occupy my time, but personal events in my life had become quite difficult for me to balance even the simplest tasks in everyday life. My relationship in Nepal with a beautiful artist ended in May after coming to the realization we weren’t meant for one another. Our decision left us very devastated and when I got home, I felt like an empty shell. It was my first love, first relationship. I didn’t get to experience that in high school nor Gallaudet University nor in Africa. At 31, I thought I had found the man I wanted to marry. I just sat around the house, slept odd hours, wept, screamed, went silent, yearned, and walked the trail for fresh air. At that time, I thought, How soon would I recover from this horrible, manifesting, indescribable hurt? Was my heart literally bleeding? Fast forward five months: We both wish the best for each other in our now separate lives. My heart isn’t bleeding like the Niagara Falls, but it’s still a little babbling brook. I still ache for the company we once shared filled with joy and romance, but understand it’s over. I find myself back in Nepal at present time living alone in my apartment (but gratefully, constant companions from all over the world to visit) and my work. No more being by his side. So that was one of the hardest things I’ve experienced in my life and going to South Africa was a wake up call from my long slumber.
Both of my parents are not in good health. My mother now has to have a blood transfusion because of a pre-existing health condition and it would mean she is going to die if she doesn’t have one soon. But I’m very grateful that I pushed hard this summer to find her after she moved out of her apartment and disappeared. She was not in my life nor contact for three years. Through my aunt’s clever sleuthing, we found her. Finally. It devastated me to find her in the state she was in. I felt helpless. I wanted to help but knew, after 31 years of being her daughter, all I could do was tell her I love her and that I’d forgiven her for her past mistakes. If she passes by the time I’m here I’ll have that knowledge and inner calm knowing that we met and she knows I’m her angel.
My father has a bad heart. I came home in May also to take care of him for the summer. I cooked healthy foods, encouraged him to exercise, made him laugh and monitored his activities. I worry about him. I want my father around for a few more years so he could find complete joy for himself, and possibly to walk me down the aisle to a man whom he and Grandpa Maurice would approve of. I hope he’s reading this. I pray that you’ll change your lifestyle and find the peace you deserve and live for a long time.
There are more crises that also happened during the summer, but I feel that’s way more personal and for me to keep to myself. But it sure wasn’t an easy five months.
Now that I am back in Nepal, I need to get a few major things out of the way and then have that clear path in my spinning brain to actually blog about the remainder of WFD, Brazil, Hong Kong and the rest of my blog about my project here.
I want to say I am extremely grateful for your support. I am on Facebook and I update people on my life, in five sentences or less (it takes 30-50 seconds to type rather than 2 hours for one single blog).
By the way, I’ve lost 20 pounds, the healthy way. Damn proud. That’s one achievement out of several this summer so that kind of balances it out!
You’ll be reading from me soon.